In this post we propose some guidelines to know: What to do
who suffers the loss of a loved one? How
behave if we want to help those suffering from grief?
* Dedicated to our colleagues in the pain ...
When someone close loses a beloved, we say: "if you need me call me for whatever you need, for anything. "
Sure you say with your heart, but the first thing we know is that those who have suffered a great loss not only will have no power for help.
" we really think and believe that someone immersed in the greatest of sadness, not wanting to live, you can pick up the phone or go to your door to say "I need you"?
must therefore assume that you must take the initiative . To help a person suffering we should show understanding and love. Do not expect to come to us.
tend to think that the loss must be overcome quickly and without any help, but really not.
The burden of pain is more bearable bear many more behind him and help him cope.
not limit ourselves to say: "If there's something to do ..." Find that "something" for himself, and then, if appropriate, take the initiative.
But what to do ... say ... how to help who are suffering so much?
ACCOMPANY:
-Hold hand caressing her cheek ... ... and give all the support that we need physically, emotionally and spiritually.
"Do not stay away from not knowing what to say or do. Too often we are scared, fearing that produces the pain we see and make us think,
"It is better to leave now ... They need to be alone ..." Perhaps
to stay away because we fear saying or doing an inconvenience, but if we avoid being with the bereaved feel more alone and misunderstood. Our mere presence can inspire courage.
SERENA:
-Adopt a restful air.
-soothe with loving words and gentle gestures.
-tolerant admit the possible manifestations of anger, rage, crying, or any outbreak of contradictory feelings and emotions.
-Stress as often as necessary that it is normal to feel in that state of confusion and anxiety, insisting that they are not going "crazy" and that all these strange feelings and virulent it is, is normal given the situation they are living.
LISTEN ENABLE AND PROMOTE ITS RELIEF:
"It's very important for the bereaved to feel that they share your pain. Let them express
-free and listen is essential and a good way to relieve his pain.
"Maybe they need to talk about your loved one, how the accident or illness, what happened or what you feel in those moments.
"On the contrary there are people who have difficulty speaking and expressing their feelings.
It is best to decide for themselves without having to feel obligated to "behave" in a certain way.
-not pressure them to stop mourn, on the contrary, let her cry and they can let off steam.
"No fear they dump us. Be patient and understanding.
"It's a big mistake to believe that we must avoid referring to the deceased as it is very painful for someone in mourning, to check that even nominate your loved one, do not talk about it or try to avoid the conversation.
-Contrary to popular belief, is very gratifying to hear the suffering qualities, details and gestures that would make living with them their loved one.
understanding:
-Never say: "I know how you feel"
Do you really know? How
include, for example, what parents feel when a child dies if you have not experienced the same loss? ... And even if you have experienced, be aware that not everyone reacts the same way.
"A person who has experienced the same loss, can greatly help one in the same situation, so I could comfort the bereaved, to know how she overcame the loss of telling his story and let someone else draw their own conclusions. AVOID
phrase:
"Life is God "..." "..." I wanted and left to suffer" ... "You have other children, husband, etc "..." have a life before you have another child "..." "..." "..." No more torment you have to try and forget '...
"This kind of sentences usually cause more pain confusion and even anger and indignation! Avoiding pronouncing and if we do not know what to say, better not say anything and use nonverbal communication (a hug, a look, a gesture ... or share quiet times). This type of communication will show understanding and feel that someone is concerned about them and their family.
OFFER IN ALL WE CAN:
-There is a unique way to help solve some of us can do procedures and paperwork, others in household chores, visiting and staying at his side if desired, especially on key dates (anniversaries, Christmas, holiday ...), sharing activities that gratify or any other manner be useful.
"Do not get much time to be alone, while respecting the desired lonely moments and fill in the emptiness of their possible loss.
TAKE THE INITIATIVE, IF NECESSARY:
"People in grief often so immersed in their pain, it prevents them from having enough capacity to face execution or decision of certain matters or procedures. Stunning may lead to not knowing what to do, let alone take care to others, so they need someone to make decisions for them.
"Always with the appropriate caution if there are things we do do it! take the initiative. It is better to decide to ask things are obvious.
EASY TO AVOID GIVING ADVICE OR IMMEDIATE SOLUTIONS:
-bereaved people are at a crucial time in their lives and need more than ever, love, comfort and support from family and friends. They are so hurt
morally, mentally, physically and espiritualmante are not sufficient capacity to make decisions, especially if the death occurred suddenly and accidentally, terrorism, or have been missing some time.
"In many cases the bereaved will need some time to absorb the loss of a loved one and we should not harass or sue with advice to take hasty decisions. Everything must go by solving some little, there will be time for it!.
"I never tell them to get rid of clothing or other personal effects of deceased. Nor do they have to get rid of objects that they remember because they prolong or cause more distress.
OTHER FORMS OF ASSISTANCE:
-Being generous and hospitable inviting home to travel ... May reject the offer for fear of losing control of his emotions in front of others.
also may not seem like a good company to enjoy such moments. In any case you have taken the first step and the mourners will appreciate the sense that they are not alone and that someone thinks of them.
-Write a letter, poem or card comfort ... People who have gone through a painful loss have reported that they helped a lot to receive any writing or letters from friends and family. Can be composed of a few words of comfort, but should be written from the heart.
-Help them to begin the task of writing a newspaper, book or even a blog to help you express your pain and remove the outside.
Maybe we should take this thing one day write ........ W. Shakespeare
"Sorrow concealed, like a closed furnace, burn the heart to reduce it to ashes"
* Written based on input from our own experiences and with the collaboration of:
-SPANISH SOCIETY OF CARE PALLIATIVE. AMAD Association
mutual-aid before the duel.
-Foundation live without VOS (Argentina).
-Alain Giacchi.
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